A year of letting go... and letting in...

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I will always remember 2012 as the year that I danced a lot. Danced passionately, with abandon. Like no one was watching. Danced so badly that all I did was laugh while I flailed my arms and legs around while Bhaav (my teacher) looked on, despair amusement and pride flitting though his face. Danced because my friends danced with me. Danced like Sunny Deol... never to be actually good at it but simply to let go. And let go I did...

And let in...

A year of letting go and letting in...

Am not very good at doing both...

What’s a year without the beauty of surprise? Of regret, of discovery. Of failure... of some measure of success... of some personal failing that you may never get over... of rising in a way that only you know has been next to impossible. What's a year without learning... learning the hard way... the good way... the better way...

A year when I picked up the paint brush... and threw colour around the way I never could do with my emotions... when I discovered I could do something else other than write. And do it well... do it beautifully... Thank god I had the courage to let in that sort of beauty into my life. Thank you thank you thank you...

A year of weeping... weeping for Malala, weeping for rape victims, weeping for slain children, weeping for someone else's heartbreak... weeping for myself... weeping for what I can't help and for that which I can save but didn’t... weeping for lost friendships, missed phone calls, dying eggs, the wisdom of strangers, the comfort of friends, the unexpected kindnesses and slights...

A year of laughing.. Laughing so much my sides hurt all the time... laughing for all the goodness, the sarcasm, the love... the love I have... of family, friends, soul mates... husband... How can I not laugh all the time..? How can I be ungrateful...

A year of allowing myself to fail... and a year of surprising myself with my own talent... and accepting that both will happen ... more often than you know...

A year of letting go... of fondly cherished regrets, friends, aspirations... letting go of old pig-headedness and letting in new sorts... letting go of me... so I might take myself in again... of forgiving... and hoping to be forgiven...

A year like every other... and yet so vivid... so different... A year that will repeat itself in the years to come... the beauty is I may or may not notice.